Tired Stressed Venty

I am SO stressed and pinched for a time I can literally taste my own BLOOD boiling in my throat. Yes, I'm anxious. I'm excited. But I'm really stressed out! We have planned a tour that should've been planned in 3 months, in 3 weeks. There is NO WAY that my dancers can pull that, especially Mandy being with HER band. UGH!

Well tonight, one of my friends called me bawling their eyes out. NEEDED me to be there for them. This is someone I've been SO close to for about 2 years. We're super close, but we've had our rough edges. This is one of my only friends I could literally FIGHT him and speak my mind COMPLETELY without worrying about how he'll "take" anything.

As you can ( hopefully) tell, he's of the "gay" persuasion. We were literally standing in the middle of a store earlier and he had to undo the tie of my jogging pants by getting on his knees and doing it with his teeth. Yeah. That's how much we TRULY trust eachother. He's been someone I've gone to for nearly EVERYTHING! Such a WONDERFUL true hearted person.

He's had his share of "drabble" in drugs, he's had some things in his life I could NEVER do! Thankfully he is VERY clean now. I am SO proud of the obstacles he has come over. I think that is the reason we're so close. I met him at his "rock bottom". And we accepted eachother for who we were, and we've come through so much TOGETHER. Temptation is for EVERYONE. He's talked me out of SO MUCH stupid stuff. I am SO thankful for this boy.

Anywho. Tonight he came over cause he needed me and we had SUCH a wonderful night. I haven't felt so close to him in a long time. He taught me ( more of "reminded me") how to play speed, he rubbed my stomach since I've been having THE. WORST. CRAMPS. OF. ALL. HISTORY. We totally bonded SO much.

Well the REASON he "needed" me was to NOT do something. ( no it's not "drugs" or anything BAD). Well once he came over, he made plans to go hang out with the person he was coming to my house to AVOID seeing. I, OF COURSE, tried to talk him out of it but the bottom line is that I don't CONTROL him! Eventually we'd worked out what was going to happen.

He was going to go with this person, come back to my house in ONE HOUR. He just left about... 30 minutes ago. I'm sure it'll be closer to two hours. Anyway, I hadn't realized HOW MUCH I messed up after he left! I have to be OUT of the house BY 5:30. Tomorrow is a HUUUUGE day!!

Well he'll be back at about 3:30 a.m. probably which normally would NOT be a problem but tomorrow is HUGE!
So I had to tell my Mom he was leaving and WOW. My Mom is NOT one to get "super mad"... at all. I've NEVER seen her SO mad at me. She sat me down and lectured, and lectured, and yelled, and yelled. I honestly think I'm gonna be grounded. Grounded to my TOUR BUS??? Better than being grounded at HOME. But until tour... I'm pretty sure I'm stuck at home! My Mom isnt' REALLY strict but she's the strictER parent! She knows if I'm wrong, I NEED to learn WHY. SO she sent me to my room ( yes I'm 16 and get sent to my room to "think about what I did"), then she's gonna tell me my "punishment" when he gets back in an hour. Or two hours. Whatevs.

OK, so I'm SO stressed. He is literally MY social life right now! My social associatino until tour is in HIS HANDS! I think she'll be over it by that time but WHO KNOWS!

My Mom, I can COMPLETELY understand.
1. She's worried about him.
2. She is worried I WON'T be up tomorrow.
3. She'll be awake until HE gets back, putting HER in a horrible position to be up at 4 a.m.
4. I have to be awake probably about... 15, 30 minutes AFTER he gets BACK. So I have THAT much sleep time, and tonight of ALL nights I NEEDED sleep!!!

So I ( tried) lied to my Mom. ( went and told her the truth shortly after. Put me in a WORSE situation.)
I set him up to COMPLETELY break my Mama's rules.
I let him doing it, knowing COMPLETELY how much STRESS and TIME it would put me under.

I guess it's just my teenage yaers thinkign "Live while you can" but there are also responsibility's and those were the LAST thing on my mind when I helped him to completely figure this thing out.

So I KNOW I am in DEEP trouble!!! And I'm praying he arrives and returns SAFETLY. I am PRAYING I can go on minimul, to NO sleep tomorrow. And I am prayign that this stress TRULY dies down some within me, because I cannot handle it much longer. I'm at the brink of stress, ha.

I am SO tired, PRAYING my Mom doesn't come in and see me on my macbook. That'd honsetly put me in hell, right now. I need to lay down and at least be able to FAKE asleep if she walks in... but what is there to do? I CAN'T fall asleep until he is home safetly. UGH!!